{"id":354,"date":"2025-10-06T21:26:05","date_gmt":"2025-10-06T21:26:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sakuratranslation.com\/?p=354"},"modified":"2026-01-30T00:59:47","modified_gmt":"2026-01-30T00:59:47","slug":"guide-on-how-to-fail-at-online-dating-53","status":"publish","type":"chapter","link":"https:\/\/www.velvetink.xyz\/my\/chapter\/guide-on-how-to-fail-at-online-dating-53\/","title":{"rendered":"Guide on How to Fail at Online Dating 53"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Chapter 53

Lu Hang had seen Xiang Huaizhi blush before\u2014after a game, everyone’s face turned as red as a monkey’s.

But seeing the pink flush spread all the way to his ears like this? That was a first.

Holding the milk tea, he thought for a long moment before asking provocatively, “You weren’t just watching porn, were you?”

Without even lifting his eyelids, Xiang Huaizhi said, “Get lost.”

Lu Hang chuckled, “Just kidding. Did you resolve Xiao Jingjing’s issue?”

“Mm.”

“How did you resolve it?”

“Killed him.”

“Killed…” Lu Hang sat down at the computer desk and was stunned upon hearing this. “Killed? Who did she kill?”

Xiang Huai Zhi finished half a glass of water and refilled it: “Mai Mai’s biggest fan.”

Lu Hang was shocked.

The fact that Xiang Huai Zhi had skipped class for Xiao Tian Jing was already surprising enough, but he also helped her kill someone?

He and Xiang Huaizhi had been playing games together for so many years, yet he had only seen Xiang Huaizhi kill two people.

One is Xian Mengmeng, and the other is Favorite Mai Mai.

Both kills were for Little Sweet Jing’s sake.

Lu Hang’s expression was complicated. After a long pause, he suddenly realized, “Xiang Xiang, so you… actually like the Xiao Jing Jing type?”

Case closed.

The reason his dear roommate hadn’t been in a relationship all these years was finally clear.

To be honest, girls like Sweet Jing were practically an endangered species these days. Nowadays, women were more aggressive than men and far harder to understand\u2014so coquettish, clingy, and fond of acting cute… Sweet Jing was the only one of her kind in Lu Hang’s circle.

His dear roommate’s taste was truly unique.

Xiang Huaizhi gave him a cold glance: “Don’t you have anything better to do?”

“I’m not free, not free at all.” Lu Hang wisely shut his mouth. “I’ll finish this last quest now, and first thing tomorrow morning, we’ll take on the War God!”

Xiang Huaizhi ignored him and returned to his computer.

The Little Fox Fairy was still in his party, their figures overlapping, looking unusually intimate.

Xiang Huaizhi’s composed expression faltered slightly, giving him a headache.

How could he just say it?

The moment the words left his mouth, Xiang Huaizhi himself didn’t know what his brain was thinking.

In all his years, he had never called someone so intimately\u2014let alone a man.

That evening, Lu Hang finally finished the War God quest and rejoined the dungeon party.

“This quest is downright inhuman,” Lu Hang complained in the team chat. “I’m about to puke from all the running around\u2014a single quest chain makes you visit over ten NPCs… I hope the GM takes pity and drops me something with good stats. I really don’t want to do this again.”

LoveIsSharingFood: “That seems pretty unlikely. I don’t think anyone’s ever gotten it in one try?”

Jing Huan asked: “How many times did you have to kill the War God before the divine weapon dropped, gege?”

Xiang Huai Zhi: “Three times.”

Jing Huan felt sour with envy.

What’s the difference between three times and one? Who knows how many servers have been running for ten years without a single divine weapon dropping.

Lu Hang thought it made sense: “Then I’ll tone it down\u2014not aiming for a one-shot miracle, but settling for three tries is fine too. I’ll go pay a visit to Lanshan Temple later to pray for luck.”

Lanshan Temple is a game location in Nine Heroes\u2014it’s just a temple with a few quest NPCs inside.

Xiang Huaizhi sneered, “Worshiping a Buddha statue made of stacked data?”

“Faith moves mountains! Don’t you get it?” Lu Hang said. “I’ve heard from many people that praying in that virtual scene actually works.”

After speaking, he idly clicked open his personal profile and started browsing around.

Nine Heroes’ personal profile feature resembles a hybrid of QQ Zone and WeChat Moments\u2014users can post text and pictures while also seeing updates from friends. Lu Hang’s female friends frequently shared photos there.

Lu Hang liked each post one by one, accidentally scrolling past a certain game screenshot.

He frowned, feeling like he had seen something astonishing, and slowly scrolled back.

After a long pause, Lu Hang called out faintly, “Xiang Xiang.”

“Speak.”

“You kissed Little Jing Jing too?”

“…” Xiang Huaizhi’s hand moved too quickly, his attack slightly off target, the longsword barely grazing the side of the BOSS’s face. “That’s called a character action.”

Lu Hang corrected, “You actually did the kissing character action with Little Jing Jing.”

Xiang Huaizhi gave up on correcting him and frowned. “How did you know?”

“Little Jing Jing already posted it on his personal profile, didn’t you see?”

Xiang Huaizhi really hadn’t seen it.

He had very few gaming friends and never posted game updates, so the personal profile button was practically useless to him.

He opened his personal profile, refreshed it, and Jing Huan’s post was right at the top.

\u3010SweetJing: \u30fe(\u2267\u2266*)\u30fe Forever love gege! [Image]\u3011

The image was exactly their kissing photo taken at the Moon Palace that afternoon.

There were several comments and likes below. Xiang Huaizhi scrolled down a bit.

[LoveIsSharingFood]: Eww~

[Ask Not When I Return]: It’s over, my Autumn Maple Hall Master has no hope left now. Tsk, I even placed a bet with someone that you’d change your mind. What a loss, what a loss.

[Fate’s Peach Tea]: Return Date, why are you everywhere? You’re going to get hunted down by Lord Xiang sooner or later.

[Autumn Maple]: Little Jing, reply to my private message quickly. [About to cry]

Xiang Huaizhi closed Little Sweet Jing’s homepage and casually opened his own.

He naturally didn’t have a single post inside, but the comment section was full of messages.

They were all left by Xian Mengmeng before\u2014some playful flirtatious remarks.

Without even blinking, Xiang Huaizhi selected all and deleted them.

Early the next morning, before the alarm could go off, Lu Hang eagerly got out of bed.

He didn’t dare to wake Xiang Huaizhi up, but was eager to kill the God of War. After dawdling for a while, he used cups, bowls, chairs, and tables to put on a small concert in the dormitory.

Xiang Huaizhi was woken up by the noise, his brows furrowed deeply.

“If you keep banging cups on the table, I’ll throw you out the window.”

Lu Hang cleared his throat and started singing: “Dad! Dad! Dad! Good dad, good dad, I have a good dad!”

Xiang Huaizhi: “…”

Lu Hang: “Dad, get up and help me clear a divine artifact dungeon. Your son has been collecting materials for months, just waiting for this day.”

“I don’t have a son like you.” Xiang Huaizhi raised his hand to shield his eyes, “What time is it now?”

“It’s 9 a.m., Dad.”

“So early? Even if you log in now, there won’t be anyone online.”

“Some dad,” Lu Hang said with a grin, “I woke them all up on WeChat.”

“…” Xiang Huaizhi slowly opened his eyes. “All of them?”

“Yes, Dad.”

Xiang Huaizhi said sincerely, “You’re so mean.”

“I will always be the first to arrive at the scene, no matter what time it is, if anything happens to them in the future!”

Xiang Huaizhi couldn’t be bothered to argue with him any longer. He reached for his phone by the pillow and glanced at the screen.

Sure enough, there were two messages.

Xiao Jing: Brother, are you awake?

Xiao Jing: [rubbing eyes]

Xiang Huaizhi casually replied, fighting off sleepiness as he threw off the covers, got out of bed, and went to wash up.

By the time he logged into the game, the other four were already in a party waiting for him.

Since it was about asking for help, Lu Hang naturally provided the potions. He said, “Xiangxiang, tell everyone which potions to bring, and I’ll toss them over.”

After distributing the potions, Xiang Huaizhi asked, “What attributes is Qiufeng using?”

“Endurance and seal hit rate,” Qiufeng replied.

“Switch to movement speed and seals\u2014we have enough healing.” Xiang Huaizhi glanced at the little fox fairy beside him. “What’s Xiaotianjing bringing?”

“Brought…” Jing Huan’s voice carried obvious drowsiness, “movement speed and sealing.”

“Mm,” Xiang Huaizhi said, “let’s start killing, follow my commands, finish early and rest.”

    \u2014\u2014

At 1 PM, a post appeared on the Nine Heroes forum and was quickly marked as “hot” by players within minutes.

[“Mirror Flower, Water Moon” team led by Heart’s Yearning sets new record by defeating the War God in sixty-two minutes, video included.]

Internet cafe private room.

Jing Huan was lying on the table, yawning as he listened to Lu Wenhao and Gao Zixiang\u2019s dual commentary.

Lu Wenhao exclaimed in amazement: \u201cHoly shit, Brother Xiang\u2019s combo\u2026 a seven-hit combo, how the hell did he pull that off??\u201d

Gao Zixiang: \u201cThese two warlocks are also amazing. You can tell their Seal Hit Rate is stacked really high. The mobs are completely locked down by them.\u201d

“But I still think this Fox Immortal Cave is more impressive. Look how little damage she’s taken? With that kind of reaction speed, she can last sixty minutes\u2014so strong.” Lu Wenhao frowned as he spoke, “It\u2019s just that why does her blood pool only go to Xiang Shen? The rest of us have to rely on Putuo for healing.”

“The Fox Immortal Cave isn’t really a healer to begin with. Her crowd control is really accurate too\u2014she handles every special monster that spawns each round. I bet her assigned task is to control the special monsters, and healing Xiang Shen is just a side gig.” Gao Zixiang clicked his tongue, “Stop watching. Even if you removed her blood pool skill key, she\u2019d still be a hundred times better than you.”

“Damn it, are you taking another jab at your dad?”

Jing Huan frowned in displeasure, lifting his face from his arm to ask, “Can you guys keep it down for a bit?”

Gao Zixiang looked at him puzzled: “Huanhuan, what’s wrong with you today? Even coming to an internet cafe can make you sleepy?”

Jing Huan only remembered after defeating the War God that he had promised his roommate they’d team up to play PUBG today.

Worried that going back to sleep would make him unable to sleep at night, he thought about it and decided to come out anyway.

It was no use; I was still sleepy.

“I didn’t sleep well,” he replied grumpily. “Are you guys playing or not? If not, I’m going back.”

Lu Wenhao said, “We’re playing, we’re playing. Huanhuan, just wait a bit longer. This video only has ten minutes left… Do you want to watch it with us?”

“No,” Jing Huan yawned again and simply stood up.

“Don’t go,” Gao Zixiang reached out to stop him. “I’m turning on the accelerator.”

Jing Huan pushed open the private room door: “I’m going to the restroom to wash my face.”

In his current state, he’d be lucky not to get turned into swiss cheese in a fight later.

They had come to the best internet cafe near their school.

However, their school is located in a remote area, and while it’s considered the best here, its scale is actually comparable to a small internet caf\u00e9 in the city.

Jing Huan wasn’t picky about other things, but the restrooms were too small\u2014there were only two, one for men and one for women. The hallway leading to the restrooms was also extremely narrow; two grown men couldn’t walk side by side and had to squeeze past each other.

Jing Huan walked through the cramped hallway to the sink in the men’s restroom. Seeing used tissues left beside the faucet, he couldn’t help but frown, losing even the courage to touch the faucet handle.

I should avoid coming to this internet caf\u00e9 in the future.

He was about to leave when, out of the corner of his eye, he noticed four small black blocks had appeared beside his shoe.

They seemed to be moving.

Since they were in the shadows, he couldn’t see clearly and instinctively bent down slightly.

Xiang Huaizhi walked into the internet cafe, and the front desk staff\u2019s eyes lit up at the sight of him: “Hello, would you like to use a computer?”

Xiang Huaizhi: “Can I borrow your restroom?”

A passerby had accidentally smeared ice cream on his sleeve and arm earlier, leaving a sticky sensation that was uncomfortable unless washed off.

The receptionist quickly nodded: “No problem, go straight and turn left\u2014the restroom is at the end of the path on the left side.”

“Thank you.”

Xiang Huaizhi walked into the aisle and couldn’t help but glance down at his sleeve.

The ice cream was chocolate-flavored and had already ruined his white sleeve beyond recognition.

The men’s restroom door was closed.

Standing outside waiting, Xiang Huaizhi was debating whether to throw this piece of clothing away when he returned, when suddenly he heard several hurried footsteps coming from inside the restroom.

He hadn’t even reacted when the bathroom door in front of him suddenly swung open, and a panicked-looking guy rushed out.

Recognizing the person who came running out, Xiang Huaizhi froze: “You…”

Blocked by the person standing in front of the bathroom door with no escape route behind him\u2014plus the giant monster\u2014Jing Huan didn’t hesitate for even a second before throwing himself at the other person\u2014

“Bro! Cockroaches!! Cockroaches!!!” Jing Huan was utterly distraught. He immediately wrapped his arms around Xiang Huaizhi’s neck, stepping shamelessly onto the other’s shoes with his own feet as he babbled incoherently, “Four of them!! Four!!! Four of them!!! Huge!! Cockroaches! They\u2014they can fly!!!”

Xiang Huaizhi was first bumped in the face, then had his neck tightly wrapped around, and finally got stomped on solidly twice.

And now, the other person’s foot was still firmly planted on his shoe.

Xiang Huaizhi had never hugged anyone this tightly before. The boy’s cold arm pressed against his neck, the sensation overwhelmingly vivid.

Watching the four black bugs scurry rapidly across the bathroom floor, his eyelids twitched twice: “Yeah, I see them… there are four.”

Jing Huan got goosebumps all over his body and, upon hearing this, hugged him even tighter!

“……” Xiang Huaizhi smelled the soap scent on him and said hoarsely, “Get down, I need to close the door.”

Jing Huan: “No way, bro. If I get down, I\u2019ll die\u2014I\u2019ll really die, drop dead on the spot.”

Xiang Huaizhi could hear the trembling in his voice.

Are you really that scared?

“Then stand on my feet, I’ll take two steps forward to close the door, and then we’ll leave.”

“\u2026\u2026”

“I promise they won’t touch you.”

Jing Huan didn’t speak. Only after a long while did he slowly nod his head against the other’s shoulder.

The door closed.

Xiang Huaizhi could clearly feel the person in his arms let out a sigh of relief, then began to gasp heavily.

He hesitated for a moment, placed his hand on Jing Huan’s back, and patted it gently twice: “Are you okay?”

Jing Huan’s scalp tingled: “Did they get out?”

“No, they’re all in there, I’m watching.”

Two minutes later, Jing Huan squatted outside the trail, taking a long while to come back to his senses.

“Uh, well,” he adjusted his emotions, raised his head, and apologized, “Sorry, bro, I bumped into you again.”

His eyes were red-rimmed, and the tip of his nose was also red.

Xiang Huaizhi was taken aback: “You… are really afraid of cockroaches?”

“Yeah.”

Since it wasn’t a big deal, Jing Huan answered honestly: “When I was little, I went back to my hometown and accidentally got locked in an abandoned house for an entire day. Ever since then, I’ve been terrified of bugs… Doesn’t really fit my tough guy image, does it?”

At this point, he sniffled and gestured with his fingers to show the distance, laughing as he said: “That cockroach just now was this close to my shoe and even flew at my face… I was this close to dying…”

Xiang Huaizhi looked at his reddened eyes and felt an inexplicable, gentle tug in his heart.

Jing Huan seemed to remember something just then. His gaze dropped, and he froze instantly. “Holy shit… Bro, did I really step on your shoes this badly?”

Xiang Huaizhi’s white sneakers were covered in his footprints, clearly indicating that he had stepped on them with some force.

Jing Huan was instantly overwhelmed with guilt. “Oh no, did I ruin them? Bro, does your foot hurt? Can you still feel it?”

“It doesn’t hurt, you’re very light.” Xiang Huaizhi snapped out of his thoughts.

“I weigh over 130 pounds, bro.” Jing Huan squatted and shuffled closer to his feet, his eyes fixed on Xiang Huaizhi’s shoes. “Should we go to the hospital to get it checked out?”

“No need.”

“Then take off your shoes, and I’ll massage it for you?”

Huai Zhi’s throat tightened: “No need… I’m really fine.”

A few minutes later, Jing Huan finally gave up.

“If you feel unwell, you must tell me. I’ll take responsibility.”

“…Okay.”

Jing Huan stood up: “By the way, bro, are you here to play games too?”

Before Xiang Huai Zhi could respond, Jing Huan looked around and said, “Are you alone? There’s an extra seat in our private room\u2014wanna come join us? I’ll treat you to the session. Lu Wenhao and Gao Zixiang are also in the room; you know them both.”

Xiang Huai Zhi had no intention of joining; their relationship wasn\u2019t yet at the stage where they could sit together and game.

“We’re playing games this afternoon, then heading out for a meal, and maybe some night basketball later,” Jing Huan said hopefully, looking at him. “What do you say, bro?”

Xiang Huaizhi: “…”

Xiang Huaizhi turned around: “Which room number? I’ll go turn on the computer.”

“Number three, I’ll go with you. I promised to treat you to the game,” Jing Huan quickly followed.

He took two steps, then suddenly leaned close to Xiang Huaizhi and sniffed. “Bro, you smell really sweet.”

Xiang Huaizhi said, “Got ice cream on it.”

“No wonder…” Jing Huan looked at his clothes, which indeed had some chocolate stains. He said with a smile, “It actually smells pretty good.”

Xiang Huaizhi didn\u2019t turn around and softly responded with an “Mm.”

He thought, maybe he shouldn\u2019t throw the clothes away after all\u2014they could probably still be worn after washing.
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